Cryptic Crosswords explained ..
June 22, 2010
I have started a new blog :
http://crypticxwords.wordpress.com
It explains in pretty simple language what cryptic crosswords are all about. Check it out and leave your comments 
Yep, you read right. And it’s not one those dirty tricks to catch your attention, the title is absolutely true. For example, I’m not going to say at the end that a guy “raped my mind” (that phrase is the sole preserve of a certain Mr. Abhishek Bacchan, who does exactly that whenever he comes on screen, more on that later)
I don’t know about you – but the first part of that statement is for me, as shocking as the second. Ever since I saw this guy, brown dyed hair, has for me been the worst sin you can perpetrate on your fellow people. I swear it completely fucks me up when some stupid girl (i like to call em’ dick-chicks, cos they’re actually really dicks, and only dicks call them chicks), who, not satisfied with wearing tight clothes showing off ugly lumps of fat, has to on top, streak her black hair a nauseating shade of bright brown and twirl it around now and then. I call them stupid because no-one with a three-digit-IQ would look into the mirror and think that is ‘hot’. And those clean-shaven guys, with brown dyed hair topped with gel, who look plain weird, but think it’s macho-cute or something. Oh god, just imagine me with brown hair. I’m passing out at the graphic imagery.
Anyway, I went to the barber, to have him mow my head into submission, and evict the various species of organisms that have been camping in my beard for a month. What happened is pretty simple really. Guy spoke Telugu and didn’t know anything else, and my knowledge of Telugu is limited to counting up to two and knowing it’s called the Italian of the East. If I ever write a cook-book, I’d pencil this in as my recipe for disaster. I had closed my eyes, and once he was done shaving, I opened my eyes, and horror of horror of horrors, he was standing beside me with a brush recently dipped in brown muck, inches away from my hair. I let out a cry of pure unadulterated fear and quickly checked my hair to see if it had been polluted as yet. Thankfully, it was not. I gesticulated wildly that I did not want a dye. He tried convincing me, saying in very broken Hindi, that I would look real good, that all the girls will go for me, that I would look like a film star. The word film-star made me imagine Robert Pattinson and Abhishek Bacchan at the same time, and spasms of terror passed through my body, followed by waves of relief at having escaped. I paid him and left, and my heart was still beating fast as I went out. Phew, that’s the closest shave I’ll have at any barber shop.
As an aside,don’t let anyone kid you into believing those guys whose eyes go yellow or who sprout wicked teeth are the most dangerous vampires in that stupid movie, when it’s actually that lip-biting female. ( Urban Dictionary lends us a helping hand. Vamp : short for vampire, this character is a woman who, while not necessarily attractive, has a certain allure (usually this striking, exotic, overtly sexy glamour), and is usually a heartless, man-eating seductress; a woman who uses her sexual attractiveness for the seduction and manipulation of others).
Will post the rapist story soon. Till then, beware of barbers.
